If you haven’t already read my article on codependency, take a look here! I talk about my perception of the term, how it can develop, and the impact it has on individuals’ lives. If you are ready for a shift, take the Money Type Quiz to book your free Discovery Call with me here!
When we look at codependency, some very common behaviors include repeatedly trying to fix or control a person or situation, people-pleasing, and attempting to “save” or “rescue” others. All of these behaviors come from and perpetuate low self-worth, an inability to set personal and financial boundaries, and financial dependence. These codependent behaviors can be integrated with our money beliefs and behaviors, creating financial codependency.
I define financial codependency as a learned behavior where someone prioritizes other’s financial needs over her own. This encompasses common codependent traits such as overgiving financially, “rescuing” someone with money, and using money to people-please. These behaviors lead to high expectations, resentment, debt, financial dependence, and diminished self-worth.
In my “What is Codependency?” post, the underlying theme for codependents is that they do not value themselves, they do not feel that they are enough. Those feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy result in saving, controlling, fixing, people-pleasing, and much more. Money, even in a regular situation without codependence, can be used as a powerful tool for manipulation and getting things that people want. So when you combine codependent’s beliefs about themselves and the world with money, the whole experience is more emotional and painful.
Let me first clarify a common misconception. Many people think financial codependency means that a person has a codependent relationship with their money. This can be true, but it’s not what financial codependency is. A codependent relationship with money is when someone uses their money to buy material objects because it makes them feel more valuable, that their self-worth is reliant on material objects, a number in a bank account, or a salary.
Let’s discuss financial codependency with a few examples.
Let’s start with the common codependent trait of somebody needing to fix or control a situation or another person. This can be experienced by couples, families, and friendships that have at least one person suffering addiction, a serious health issue, or disability. The other person in the relationship is typically the codependent, the enabler who wants to control and try to fix the sick person. For example, a spouse who is spending frivolously to mask the imperfections of their life, all to appear “perfect” to outsiders. This can include new clothes, furniture, a nice house, cars, and more. The codependent person spends all their energy, time, and money to keep the other person “healthy” or “sober”, or appear to have their life house in order.
Codependents can also try to “rescue” or “save” the other person; for example, by paying someone’s late bills and fees. Deep down, the attempt to recuse the person is an effort to make the codependent feel that they are needed, that they are worthy, and valued. This all ties back into their desire to people-please and feel valuable, and are forms of enabling which only encourage the other person to continue their behaviors. A vicious cycle that feels like a walk with no end in sight.
Like I mentioned earlier, these situations are common in many relationships, not just between an addict and another. The length of the relationships doesn’t matter either. People-pleasing will take control with strangers meeting for the first time, or ongoing relationships.
Financial codependency is also very common amongst parents and their children. It often starts out of love, where parents give kids money regularly with little conversations on the value of money. Over time, the kid’s desire to work and make their own money disappears. As the kid turns into a perfectly healthy and smart adult, they still receive the money from the parents despite being fully capable of taking responsibility for their own lives and supporting themselves. As the child gets older, the expectation of receiving money from their parents is stronger, it can even become the bond between them, and in some families, money can become the form and expression of love between them. This then stays with the adult child as they start their own family, and they pass on similar habits and behaviors to the next generation.
The consciousness of these beliefs, behaviors, and habits around money and codependency, as well as transparency and awareness, is critical to pass onto the next generation. Without consciousness, there will be no progress, personally or societally. Without consciousness there is ignorance.
I am on a mission to support women prioritize their financial well-being, especially women with low self-worth, who are unable to set healthy boundaries, and women who are tired of being financially dependent.
I am here to guide these women to a new perspective on their life, behaviors, and patterning that are entrenching them in their current beliefs. This means going on a journey to show that they are worthy of powerful and positive beliefs about themselves, that they can be respected and set boundaries, and that they don’t need to be financially dependent.
If you are ready for this shift, take the Money Type Quiz to book your free Discovery Call with me here!
It’s time for these women to stand in their worth, advocate for themselves, say no, set healthy personal and financial boundaries, and nurture themselves and their money.
Do you want to learn how to prioritize yourself, rid your life of those that are only taking time and energy, become financially organized, financially confident, and financially independent? Take the Money Type Quiz to book your free Discovery Call with me here!